Life's a Breeze...or Is It A Gust of Wind?

My last post was June of last year. Seven months ago. I feel like I've been to the moon and back.

You ever felt like you were caught up in a Kitchen Aid mixer set to medium high? Once turned off, life is a new mix. Am I truly back to blogging? I'm not sure, honestly. Blogging, editing, marketing take up a lot of time and head space that I find that I need to devote to my six children, ages 25, 22, 20, 17, 7 and 5. 

What will 2017 be like for you? I don't think you have any idea.

Thanksgiving 2016

Can you guess how long it took all of us to get outside and how many shots my best friend had to take to get this one? My daughter Maria (fourth from left) announced after an Thanksgiving early dinner that we had a 20 minute window before the sun was in the wrong place. "Be outside in 15 minutes and look nice!" was her commandment. For outdoor photographers, it's all about the lighting, I suppose.  

You see that tall guy on the end? He's our basketball player. Douglas is 6'6". In fact, that's one exciting reason why I haven't blogged in over six months. He has an opportunity to be recruited to play in college. Basketball season is now year round for me and involves a lot of driving. We enrolled him in The Regents School of Charlottesville, where he had played basketball the previous season as a home schooled student. I began driving him down to "The Dell" at the University of Virginia to work out with Coach Geoff Reed, a former private school coach and other potential high school recruits. I packed up the two youngest boys and drove Douglas up to Pennsylvania to attend a HoopGroup Academic Elite Camp. It was an introduction to the new world of elite basketball.

Not only am I a chauffeur, but I'm now a videographer and video editor for basketball games! Check out this highlight film that I made of his December 2016 games. 😊

I never wonder if the time, money and sacrifice is worth helping someone pursue their dreams. As African-American poet Langston Hughes said, dreams are a "blue cloud cloth" that one must keep from the "too rough fingers of the world". Do you have a kid with talent and the drive and desire to develop it? Help them. Do you have your own dreams on the shelf. Take them down. Sure, like me, you may have to put them back on the shelf sometimes, but if you live your life in the wind and trust that God has your best interests in his mind, then He'll blow them off that shelf when it's time.

I still home school my youngest boys and wow, do they have energy! For those of you raising kids under ten. Yeah, I know. It's real. It's realllllly tiring. It's mental. It's emotional. Some nights you sleep well; some you don't. I'm feelin' you.

But I'm not trading my days with those boys for anything else right now. 

By the way, here's a shout out to all of you young people learning about "adulting", which is the choice phrase of my young millennials. I have a draft of a post called "What Is Adulthood?" Maybe I'll get around to editing it, but I will say that watching the adult lives of my oldest three children is an education for me. When am I needed? When am I crowding their space? (#2 and #3 live with us right now) Should I share with them some suggestions without being asked? As a parent, am I still meeting their love language?

I'm grateful that my three oldest are still around so much. My oldest daughter, Christina, lives thirty minutes  away but spends many weekends here at home. God has given me spontaneous conversations with them that have shown me the the treasure-laden depths of their souls and the amazing dreams they dream. What can I do? Be their #1 cheerleader...well my husband and I share the #1 spot, Lol.

One last word before I begin my day as a home educator. Doug and I have been married for twenty-six years. We've had our highs and lows. My advice for all of you who are married and raising kids is: Be transparent. Be emotionally honest about your triumphs and your failures. Extend mercy and grace to your spouse, because one day you may need it yourself. Be an active listener. Take time to hang out and DON'T talk about the kids! Demand nothing and pray about everything. 

Try to hold your future plans or agenda loosely. Life has so many shifts. If you grip too hard, you may fall when they fall through. That's how I live my life these days cause' I really don't know where life's wind is blowing me. It's certainly not a breeze. But it's a blessing.

Matthew 7:24-26  “Therefore whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock:and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock. “But everyone who hears these sayings of Mine, and does not do them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand:

John 3:8 The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear the sound of it, but cannot tell where it comes from and where it goes. So is everyone who is born of the Spirit.”

Visit our other blog: My Father's Crown
New Post: Value of Believing Pt. 3 by Doug Webb

Editing Life

Multi-tasking isn’t healthy.

Not only have I read that in articles, but I’m living its ill effects. The question is, as a self-employed home educator of six children, ages 4 to 24, what do I do to edit my life?

As I have learned to do as a parent, I open the Bible. I found biblical examples of Jesus editing his life. I figure, if he did; then I must. One phrase pops out from my memory: Jesus went to the mountain.

For me, a mountain can be a place, a time of day, or a healthy outlet. A mountain can be a long awaited date night or a quick nap. The point is to take time for personal replenishment.

If we are to follow Jesus’ example, mountain visits need to happen regularly. Years ago, I learned the phrase “the gift of limits”. The gift of limits involves knowing when to say "no".

I was once a stay at home mom with four children under age seven and guardianship over my niece and nephew who were 2 1/2 and 14 months old. At the time we lived in a 3 bedroom apartment. Taking time for myself never even entered my mind. Seventeen years later, I still struggle to take time for myself without feeling guilty.

I love family time. But as an introvert in a large family, I thrive best when I’ve had my alone time. When Jesus left for the mountain he was momentarily saying no to the crowds, the needs, the pace of his ministry. Saying no during these times was always saying yes to his Father in heaven. 

Jesus’ capacity for earthly ministry as a man required him to be filled to the fullness of God. This could only happen when he went away to the mountain. Similarly, in order to be better parents, better spouses, friends and co-workers, we need to sometimes say no and get away to be filled with God’s fullness. Some of you are workaholics. Say no to your daily goal and spend time with your spouse and kids instead. Others of you are loners in employment or relationship. Say no to your comfort zone and spend time with friends. Moms need spa days or a morning to sleep in. The soul needs nurturing as much as our feet and toes need prepping for summer sandals! I recommend a variety of practical outlets for replenishment but the one we all need, no matter what our role or vocation, is to spend time with God.

Time is sometimes hard to manage.  Maintaining friendships is important, so these days, I try to schedule a coffee date with a friend at least once a month while my youngest boys are at Awana. Playdates can be good, but I wouldn’t consider them mountain times even though women are bonding through conversation. How many moms can have uninterrupted conversation with another mom on a playdate? Dads, many of you work during the week and feel the obligation to designation the entire weekend for your family. I applaud you but I also say that you need friends too. Get tickets to a sporting event or go to the monthly men’s bible study. The souls of men are often overlooked. Mountain times can involve others as long as they don’t pull on you, vie for your attention, are emotionally needy, or exhaust you mentally. That last statement is worth re-reading.

After having each baby, I often didn’t get a mountain time until I was finished nursing. By the time baby #5 was born, I’d learned to plan well months in advance so that I could store milk and teach the baby to take a bottle from someone other than me.

During the years when child rearing was most demanding my mountain times were my prayer times. I taught my 3 and 5 year old how to have quiet times for two hours without interrupting me. The baby slept. And I talked to God. I stared at the ceiling and piles of clothes and just let His presence come over me like a warm blanket. He knew I needed stillness and silence. Sometimes I would fall asleep, lulled into dream zone while my lips murmured prayers that no one else would understand.

Look ahead to the coming weeks. Try to schedule a time to go to the mountain.

“God, you are the ultimate caregiver. You are the most faithful parent of all. Guide us and lead us every day and every month to set aside time away from the busyness of life. Help us value the quiet moments when we tune our ears to your still, small voice. Our lives need balance and you are the one who can show us what that looks like individually. Thank you Lord. We pray this in Jesus’ name.”

The Shoes I Couldn't Fill

The exhilaration of home educating my kids had dissipated. My husband and I were doing full-time ministry on a part-time schedule. The bottom level of our townhouse was being renovated to add a needed bedroom and the 911 attack was fresh in my mind. My outlook on life was grey.

As far as homeschooling, my kids weren’t the problem and teaching wasn’t the issue. My mentality was my problem. The noose of perfectionism was stealing my vitality.

When had I adopted the picture of the multi-tasking, never sleeping, Betty Crocker housewife? I loved everything that I did. Music, ministry, teaching and even learning how to frame walls tapped into my childhood fantasy of being a carpenter. But doing anything is hard when you are trying to live up to a self-imposed image.

My merciless inner overlord wanted to cry out, “I am woman, hear me roar!” Instead, most days all I could muster was a feeble yelp.

Perfectionism withdrawal took a few years. Self-condemnation had to be rooted out as did pride and concern for the opinions of others. I learned that my school day could be flexible. The kids didn’t have to follow a public school schedule. I could give them a two hour break in the afternoon and finish up in the evening or on a Saturday. As far as always being available to pray with someone in need, I had to learn to say, “I can’t meet you this week” with no guilt.

Having a Mary Kay face each day became a distant memory. Good bye “quick” beauty regimen; eyeliner and mascara could suffice. I still cooked each day, but cooking fed my creative mind. As far as the post-911 soberness in the American air, my future was in God’s hands and no terrorist could steal it.

Our days became more relaxed as I resisted those deceiving perfectionist demons. So what if I sat on the floor playing blocks with my three year old while rehearsing spelling words with my first grader as my elementary school kids read or did math? So what if a cup of milk spilled on the floor in the middle of a history lesson? 

I breathed easier once the noose of perfectionism was gone. 

No matter what type of labor makes up your day, make sure that you are not trying to live up to a standard that makes you driven, harsh, worried, or stressed out. I know that there are professional environments that are "dog-eat-dog", but ask yourself, is the pressure worth your health and joy?

We all need to ask ourselves, "What are we trying to prove and to whom?"  As long as we are doing whatever the Lord had put on our agenda, then we can rest that he will help us and guide us and make up for any way that we fall short.

Lord, help us cast our cares on you. Remind us daily that your yoke is easy and your burden is light. Show us burdens that we've mistakenly picked up. Make us creative and innovative people, that can realize when we need to do something differently so that our wheels won't keep spinning. Help us remember that the only shoes we need to fill are our own. Thank you Lord for your constant care. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

When Mommy Is Sick

Community is imperative. The sista-friends and relatives who are local can rush to fill in the numerous gaps filled by an absent mommy.

My children were five, three and one at the time. The flu struck out of nowhere. Fast. My husband worked 90 hours per week at two jobs and his own carpet cleaning business. I remember lying over my bed, unable to move thinking I can’t even stand up to make dinner. I tried. We all try. I crawled to the kitchen and tried to stand but waves of nausea and an outbreak of chills defeated my inner lioness.

My friend and prayer partner had two children at the time but still, she came over, made dinner and took care of my kids for at least a couple of hours.

This was just the flu. I’ve dealt with bedrest during pregnancies, hernia repairs, and another bout of the flu about ten years later and when my husband couldn’t help, friends stepped in.

I have a friend who died from cancer last August. She was at her sickest in the hospital, but friends stepped in to hold her hand, lotion her feet and pray at bedside to relieve her husband for at least a couple of hours a day.

I have another friend who is frequently making a 3 hour drive to take care of five nieces and nephews whose father, her brother, is hospitalized.

Both the ordinary bout of flu and the extraordinary ordeal of disease reveal the importance of the scripture: Psalm 68:6a God sets the solitary in families. We are never meant to suffer alone. Whether it’s our blood family, church family or family of friendships, we need others to fill in the gaps that we leave when we are knocked off course.

“I need help” can be difficult words for anyone to say.

However, these are beautiful words to the one that hears them. The opportunity to be a gap-filler is an opportunity to show love and compassion without conditions. So fellow mommys, and to the daddys who are reading this, when your strength runs out, contact a friend and say

“I need help.”

What really matters?

My Unedited Journal, March 1

Recently, while driving to an appointment, one of my older kids and I were discussing the roots of anger. The crux of our discussion centered on household pet peeves. The “little things” that people did or didn’t do in regards to our house “rules” had formed a mountain of angst that had begun to affect my child’s demeanor and tone of voice.

After asking some open-ended questions and listening to the answers, I remembered a phrase that had helped me overcome my own frequent bouts of frustration and aggravation.

Why does it matter?

Years ago I’d realized that I too was majoring on the little things when it came to house “rules” and this focus was affecting my peace and more importantly my relationships with various members of my family. 

Why did it really matter if someone left their towel on the floor again?
Why did it really matter if someone forgot to do a chore, spilled milk again, or put the carton of juice back in the refrigerator when it only had an ounce left?

In the grand scheme of things, these pet peeves were….petty.

I explained to this child that my angst had to do with inconvenience. I didn’t want to be inconvenienced by another person’s lack of attentiveness to our house “rules”.

But life happens and inconveniences will never go away.

Life isn’t fair and frankly, as a teenager I learned that the idea of fairness is an allusion.

I explained to my child that what began to matter more than the inconvenient habits of family members was my relationship with those same family members.

I was responsible for my attitude towards them just as Jesus is responsible for his attitude towards the law-breaker. The Bible says that Jesus did not come to condemn them, but to invite them into empowering and life-giving relationship with Him.

I shared that the more I focused on God’s love for me, the more I cared about the little things that I did that hindered my relationship with Him. No matter what I did, big or little, God never withdrew from me. It’s like in the Garden of Eden. Although Adam hid in his sin, God the Father came to find him.  God always pursues us even when we break His house “rules”.

So now, no matter what infringement to the orderliness of the household, no matter how many times someone forgets the “simple” requests that I make, no matter how many times they leave their bedroom light on all day, I make sure that any quick frustration that comes up is dissipated by my desire to keep peace and harmony flowing between me and the offender. This doesn’t mean that the offender doesn’t get a consequence. For example, I have a mason jar in which my kids have to put a dollar if I find their bedroom light on for more than 30 minutes when they are sitting somewhere else in the house. With a big family, our electric bill can get sky high! This has proven to be a successful deterrent. I am no longer angry or aggravated when I address the particular child. I simply remind them of the consequence.

When the cup of water spills on the table for the second day in a row due to a younger child’s carelessness, I take a breath, remember their age, and remind myself that I am still training them to be aware and careful. The inconvenient timing of the spill should not determine my demeanor and interaction with them. With every infraction, I want to model God, who continues to pursue our hearts with kindness, even when consequences (like giving them a paper towel and showing them how to wipe up their mess) must be meted out.

Peter denied Jesus three times. Yet Jesus pursued Peter in his shame not to accuse him or berate him, but to affirm and reestablish him as his disciple. Maintaining relationship is what matters to Jesus.

Slumps and Resurrected Vision

January is the time where many people celebrate newness. But what if you’re stuck in an old season? The reality is that the challenges of the past calendar year did not just go away at midnight on January 1^st.

While life’s seasons may not automatically be deleted in one minute, we can use the first few days of a new year to reassess, to ponder, to clarify vision or simply to see what is needed to move forward.

We never want to be needlessly stuck in an old rhythm, just because we can’t see what lies in our future.

Without a vision, the people perish.

Last September, I began to have a vision attack. Disappointment and discouragement set in because goals hadn’t been met. I grew blind. My passions were tossed aside because I just don’t like to waste my time if there is no promise of fruitfulness.

So I constantly prayed for God to show me what desires or dreams I had that were not for then or ever because I knew that sometimes childhood’s imagination can build fantastic adventures that have no borders. And while I was and am convinced that God plants seeds of destiny in our hearts while we are young, I knew that we see in part and it takes years of maturing to really discern the God-seed from the parent projected-seed or the fairytale-planted seed or the soulish seed that covets someone else’s destiny.

So my new “year” started way before Jan. 1, 2015 when I began to ask God to dismantle any vision that I had that was a mistake and birth His vision for how I am to spend my time and how much time to give to the passions that I know He put in my heart.

Oh my passions!

Most involve allowing the Creator to create through me: phrases, sounds, gardens, food, and the artistry of the home.
  

Oh my passions!

One book on the shelf: the plot is decided, over 60,000 words, but the falling action and resolution remain in my mind.

Another book just started, Ages and Stages: The Book, inspired by my blog series by that name. This one will be a soul journey as I write.
A series, part fantasy, part historical fiction: The Ages of Laus Perennis, which was started too many years ago…. (sigh)
So many songs lay in a drawer in the music room, done or in need of editing but my skill has maxed out.
The advice of my kids: “Buy a viola and play again!” but really kids, when?
A piano that calls me, but once I sit down, the warfare overcomes me.

Oh my passions!

Six children and a husband, house and yard that need seventeen hours of my day.
My spirit’s need to clutch heaven’s Heart every moment of every day, for this is what maintains my sanity.

I wake up each morning to a world that needs my tongue to pray and my hands to serve in whatever way.

My passionate list goes on...

I long for His presence to be known, experienced, celebrated…His name revered, adored…His heart kissed and understood, our worship of Him as extravagant as His love, and His world redeemed through the people that He calls His own. (selah)

I told my husband that my productive nature was feeling unfulfilled these days. Sometimes fruit takes too much time see. But like I said before, I want to make sure that I don’t waste my time on things that were never meant to be.

So that’s when it’s time to scale back on everything, except the necessities:
my family, household duties, and the God that maintains my sanity.

This is the ground in which He can plant or prune vision in me.

Jeremiah 29:11 

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Author Tina Webb

Visit my Amazon author page: http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B00GDOJJ22

To purchase books: http://beforethebeginningbook.blogspot.com/p/book-info_2.html

Brother vs. Brother.

The story of Cain and Abel was not the first of its kind in the chronicles of eternity.  The angelic realm experienced a familial breach before Adam was created.  When Lucifer turned against God and convinced one-third of all angels to turn against God, the crisis of “brother against brother” was introduced.

What happened in heaven?  We know that Lucifer pitted himself against God. Deluded, he thought he could be like God. He tried. He recruited one-third of his brothers to be a part of his kingdom.  What would have made these other angels agree to antagonize their brothers?

The problem of disunity is ancient; birthed before Eden. It occurs even among Christians, who, too often, listen to and agree with the accuser. Galatians 3:28 says "There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free..." Historically, there has been too much division based on race and economics, among other things. We are all brothers of the same Heavenly Father. What can Christians do to rectify this crisis of brother against brother?

T. Webb, Author of Before The
Beginning

We can receive a greater understanding of Love. God is Love. Love forgives. Love chooses to forget. (Hebrews 8:12) Love extends grace and mercy to the offender. Love invests with no guarantee of a ROI (Return On Investment). The love of God is in our hearts, so we must guard our minds from thoughts that breed antagonism towards one another. Easy? Hmmm. It will take effort. But done corporately, prejudices will diminish, fighting will lessen, and broken relationships will decrease. John 13:35: By this all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.

The book's beginnings...

All was cozy and serene, one cool March night in 2012 as five of us sat on our L-shaped sofa in the great room.  My husband Doug had begun a family bible study to help our teens learn how to thoroughly unpack the treasure of the Holy Scriptures.  This night, however, we would delve into a tangent that would birth the idea for my first published book.

The scripture that started it was, 1 Peter 1:12.  It reads It was revealed to them that they were not serving themselves, but you, in these things which now have been announced to you through those who preached the gospel to you by the Holy Spirit sent from heaven—things into which angels long to look. (NASV)

"....things into which angels long to look ."  Wow!  We had to take a "selah" moment.  What are these things? Enter the tangent.  The implication of this verse brought out our inner detective.  After we poured through other verses, we found ourselves at Ezekiel 28.  The teens were amazed that this verse recorded God's response to Lucifer's demise.  "When did this happen?" was the next question.  My husband and I told them about the Gap Theory and my mind began to wonder.  Gap Theory or not, clearly Ezekiel 28 referred to a time before the beginning as we knew it.

I love words.  I love the power of words and I try to respect that power and use it wisely.  Words form phrases and for me, phrases are like the primary colors.  You can take a phrase, mix up the word order, and get a new phrase that gives a new thought, one with hues of the first.  Couples learn early in their relationship that the same phrase can mean two different things.

The biggest challenge in writing, Before The Beginning, was to give definition to a word-less concept.  Let me explain.  Rebellion, fear, mischief, anger, insubordination were new concepts in heaven.  Even my character Helel Ben Shachar, which is Hebrew for Lucifer, had no words to name what he was feeling until God gave the feeling a name.  I wanted to stay true to the dilemma that Helel and the tenants (angels) must have dealt with.

The second biggest challenge was to stay true to the nature of God as revealed in the Bible and consider what the Father's initial response would have been.  I knew, as a human being trying to portray the God of the universe, that I was probably opening a can of worms that as an author, I would have to suck up and deal with.

Despite the challenges, writing fantasy fiction and trying to stay true to the Bible has been fun.  I love action movies and writing an action scene, although daunting, was exciting.  So I hope you'll get the opportunity to read the book and have some of your own "selah" moments.  C'mon back and share them with me.  I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Book Release!

http://www.amazon.com/Before-The-Beginning-ebook/dp/B00EBUKVF4/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1375723718&sr=1-1&keywords=before+the+beginning.

Here's the link to my newly released book, Before The Beginning!  Woo Hoo!  (Coming soon on BN Nook too!)